As a child learning history in school, it came as a shock to think that my parents lived through and remembered the first world war. To me that was ancient history, impossible to identify with anyone currently alive – especially my parents. Now, having lived through the great depression, second world war, Vietnam war, the Civil Rights movement and the rebirth of Feminism, it is not only my children but my grandchildren who see me as part of ancient history.
As well they might, having themselves lived through a major pandemic, the attack of 911, as well as more recent conflagrations such as the war in the Ukraine and between Israel and Hamas. Not to mention the technological changes that have transformed the environment in which they live.
My own grandparents came from Russia and are recognizable to me as the inhabitants of Fiddler on the Roof. Their lives are almost more familiar to me than the contemporary lives of my grandchildren. The contemporary world of my grandchildren seems almost more remote to me than the world of my parents, grandparents and even my own.
The social and cultural changes brought about during this generational history have had an impact on relationships between women and men, between parents and children, and by implication between parents and grandchildren. For one thing, the nuclear family is often no longer nuclear.
Children now grow up in what is called blended families, with brothers and sisters who are offspring of different sets of parents than their own. As a result, they may also have multiple sets of grandparents – for better or worse. The age span between siblings is often greater than in years gone by.
The Fifties image of the working father and the stay-at-home homemaker mom is no longer applicable. Some moms may now be primary wage earners while dads now wash dishes as well as mow the lawn. These changes undoubtedly have had an impact on the way children develop.
The saying is, the more things change, the more they are the same. The problem in relationships between men and women, parents and children, may be that the things that have changed often conflict with those that have stayed the same. Ideas about these relationships have changed, but the feelings attached to older ideas remain the same.
The conflict between new ideas and old feelings can create various issues in relationships. Children growing up today are exposed to the new ideas but also to the older feelings often transmitted by previous generations.
Listening to my grandchildren, I can hear expressions from time to time of both sides of the conflict, as well as their attempts at resolution. A benefit of growing old!
Good Enough Mothering 